and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
