First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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