He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
