pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
