So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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