We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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