Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
