And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize