just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
