he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
