you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
