marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
