they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
