Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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