i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
