So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize