I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
