Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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