you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
