His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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