So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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