Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
