Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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