The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
