I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
