I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
