strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
