I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I puked a lego.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
