I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
