Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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