she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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