VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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