connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She told me I should be a condom model.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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