We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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