He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
