i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
