spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's never too late to be topless.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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