I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
