I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
