Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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