The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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