I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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