the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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