I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
