just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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