please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
