I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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