is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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