Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize