So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
