I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
