I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
