i may or may not be watching the land before time
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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