I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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