hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
