You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
