So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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