2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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