zippers are such a cool invention
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
