I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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