He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
