I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
