There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
