the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
