If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize