I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
