I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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