I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
