his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
