I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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