so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
