i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
