I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
