Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
