Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
