Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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