Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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