Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
