people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
