i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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