i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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