Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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