she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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