She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
