Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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