Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
