I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize