I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize