i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize