I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
