he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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