It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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