Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
