just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
