I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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