hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
