doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
