Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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