Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
