"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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