why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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